Rick Roll

Rick Reilly really irritates me. I read some of his columns when we has still with Sports Illustrated, but I don't remember him being so darn lazy. Beyond this lovely example of self-plagiarism as documented by Deadspin, he's also prone to cliches. I seriously wonder if he just has a Sports Column Mad Libs application on his iPhone he fills in on the ride to the office.

First of all, there's his current piece up on ESPN.com, about Kelly Kulick, the first female bowler to win a men's tournament. A good topic for a column, sure, but dear God, can he cram more pop culture references into the thing?

Listen! She beat 62 of the best male pros -- straight up -- in arguably the Tour's creamiest event, the Tournament of Champions. And she beat them like egg yolks. She beat Chris Barnes, the No. 1 bowler on the Tour, by 70 pins in the final! That's like beating Emeril by three hams!

That by itself wouldn't be so bad, but as the third or fourth cutesy play on words, it's starting to get tiring.

Here's another gem:

Hello? America? This is the equivalent of "Man Gives Birth!" It's never happened in any ball sport in American history. Kulick, 32, should own Page 1. Somebody should throw her a parade. Or at least a state dinner. Instead, she's gotten one free hair coloring. That's the highlight.

The hair coloring pun actually made me groan.

Of course, of course, she's also the perfect woman "in real life":

A few guys sent her marriage proposals on Facebook. Why not? After all, she works in her father's auto-body shop, can fix a bumper, does yoga, cooks, fishes and meditates. The perfect woman! But other than those shout-outs, nothing, bubkes, silence.

I can understand why this guy got the ESPN gig. He used to write good stuff. But its as if now he really can't be bothered to put any creative effort into his writing. They read like an example of "going overboard with column-writing conventions" in a column-writing textbook. Puns, injustice, references to precendent (there are at least three Billie Jean King quips in this column) and repetition.

But all my objections to his style are moot, since his subject matter is itself a waste of web space. I think its admirable that Reilly wants to draw attention to Kulick's accomplishment. But I can give you a few simple reasons Kulick hasn't been hopping through all the morning talk shows: the Olympics have been going on for the last two weeks - and no one really cares about professional bowling no matter who is winning.